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Have You Ever Stayed in a Relationship bec of Its Potential?

Writer's picture: stephaniekollmannstephaniekollmann

Updated: Jan 25

Have you ever found yourself in a relationship—whether romantic, platonic, or professional—holding on because of the potential you see in it, even when the reality of it is draining you?


If so, you’re not alone.


Many of us have been there, myself included. I was once married to a man whose potential I could see so clearly. He was talented, charismatic, and full of possibilities. I was captivated by the idea of what our life together could be. And for a long time, I ignored the reality that was unfolding in front of me.The reality was different. There were consistent patterns of behavior that didn’t align with the life I envisioned. I excused them, justified them, and told myself that things would get better. But over time, I came to realize that holding onto what could be was costing me my own happiness, energy, and well-being.

It’s hard to admit when the gap between potential and reality is too wide to bridge.

It’s even harder to let go of a dream you’ve invested so much of yourself in. But here’s what I’ve learned from my own journey and from working with clients who have faced similar struggles: seeing someone’s potential isn’t enough to sustain a relationship.


What Keeps Us Holding On?


Why do we stay in these relationships despite the emotional toll they take? Here are a few common reasons:


  1. Hope for Change: We believe that with enough time, love, or effort, the other person will grow into their potential. This hope can feel powerful, but it can also keep us stuck in a cycle of waiting.


  2. Fear of Letting Go: Ending a relationship can feel like giving up, and that’s a hard thing to face. We fear the regret of walking away too soon or the uncertainty of what life might look like without this person.


  3. Attachment to the Dream: Sometimes, we’re more attached to the vision of what the relationship could be than to the reality of what it actually is.


  4. Self-Doubt: We may question our own expectations and wonder if we’re asking for too much. This can lead us to settle for less than we deserve.


How to Recognize When It’s Time to Let Go?


It’s not always easy to see when a relationship is no longer serving you, especially when you’re deeply invested in its potential. Here are a few signs to look for:


  • Consistent Patterns: If the same issues keep coming up without meaningful change, it’s worth asking yourself if the situation is likely to improve.


  • Emotional Exhaustion: Do you feel drained, unsupported, or unfulfilled? A healthy relationship should energize you, not deplete you.


  • Ignoring Your Own Needs: Are you constantly putting the other person’s needs and growth ahead of your own? This imbalance can lead to resentment and self-neglect.


  • Reality vs. Fantasy: Take a step back and ask yourself if you’re more in love with the idea of the relationship than with the relationship itself.


My Turning Point


For me, the turning point came when I realized that staying in my marriage wasn’t just about holding onto his potential; it was about abandoning my own. I lost sight of what I needed and who I wanted to be. Letting go was hard, but it was the most freeing decision I ever made. It allowed me to reclaim my energy, focus on my own growth, and create space for relationships that truly aligned with my values and needs.


>>>> What I Want You to Know <<<<


You deserve relationships that nurture you, respect your boundaries, and align with your truth. Letting go isn’t about giving up on someone else; it’s about choosing yourself. And that choice can be the most loving and empowering thing you ever do.


The Importance of Self-Responsibility


One of the most profound lessons I’ve learned is that we are responsible for our own lives, boundaries, and well-being. It’s up to us to listen to our intuition and honor what it’s telling us, even if it’s difficult. Your gut feelings often surface early in a relationship, providing insights that can guide you toward better decisions.

Choosing a partner isn’t just about their potential; it’s about how they show up in reality. Do they add to your happiness, or do they take away from it?

You’re not alone on this journey, and you have the power to create relationships that reflect the love, respect, and care you deserve.


Do not be afraid to step into the unknown. You will be surprised, you will be ok, you will be more than ok. Trust yourself! You’ll discover strength you didn’t know you had—you’ll do more than just survive, you’ll grow.



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​I help you navigate life changes, mental and emotional stress, anxiety, addictions, and relationship challenges!

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