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Breaking Free from the Comfort of Pain - what happens when we let go

Updated: Jul 8, 2023

Why we rather stay in pain than entering emptiness? In order to go through the process of transforming pain into value (read my blogpost: The Value of Pain - Transforming Pain into Potential) we need to feel the pain, we need to feel our emotions beneath the surface. The moment we really feel the pain, it dissolves.

That is the moment we know we have touched our pain because it transforms and we can let it go.... AND WHAT HAPPENS when we let go of the pain we create NEW SPACE.

I have observed so often around me, in myself and in my clients, that we would rather stay in the pain than go into the void but why?

We can get used to the bittersweet feeling of staying in the pain, and we can be terrified of the emptiness that awaits us if we let it go. Letting go of something means we are making room for something new, but before there is anything new, there is that feeling of emptiness and fear of what might be.

Think about it again: We often prefer to stay in pain so we don't have to endure the emptiness and the unexpected that follows. The unexpected feels scary because we don't know it. Pain feels familiar because we already know it so well, even if it is bad for us, the feelings of pain are familiar and therefore safe.

The Comfort of Familiarity: Pain, in its own way, becomes a sanctuary of familiarity. We become accustomed to its presence, and despite its detrimental effects, we find a strange comfort in its predictability. When pain becomes a constant companion, we develop a sense of security, knowing what to expect and how to navigate its complexities. In contrast, the unknown triggers anxiety and fear because it lies beyond our control and understanding.

Fear of the Unknown: The unexpected is shrouded in uncertainty, and our minds tend to amplify potential risks and negative outcomes. Our innate desire for control makes us uneasy when faced with unfamiliar territory. We often underestimate our ability to adapt and overcome challenges, preferring the illusion of safety within the confines of pain. Consequently, we miss out on opportunities for growth, healing, and new experiences that lie beyond our comfort zones.

Have you ever thought that you are safe in the void because nothing can happen, it is empty and we can decide how and with what to fill the newfound space.

Empty space tends to evoke feelings of unease and restlessness. We have become conditioned to fill every moment with noise, distractions, and busyness, fearing that stillness and emptiness will leave us feeling lost or purposeless. This fear stems from our discomfort with the unknown and our innate desire for control. However, it is in this very space of emptiness that we can find the potential for something new and meaningful to emerge. When we resist the urge to fill every moment and allow ourselves to be in the empty space, we create room for new possibilities to unfold. In the midst of empty space, stillness becomes our greatest ally. By cultivating moments of stillness through practices like meditation, mindfulness, or simply unplugging from the constant noise of technology, we allow ourselves to observe and connect with our inner selves. In the absence of external distractions, we can listen to our intuition, tap into our creativity, and gain clarity about our desires and aspirations. Stillness becomes the foundation upon which new beginnings can flourish.

Navigating the Unknown: Empty space often represents the unknown, and it is natural to feel apprehensive about stepping into uncharted territory. However, it is within this realm of uncertainty that growth and transformation occur. By accepting and embracing the unknown, we release the need for control and allow ourselves to be guided by curiosity and the freedom to explore new horizons. We discover resilience, adaptability, and the capacity to face challenges with an open mind.

Choosing What to Fill the Void With: The power to decide what fills the void is in our hands. We can intentionally seek out experiences, relationships, and pursuits that align with our values, dreams, and aspirations. By mindfully selecting what we allow into our lives, we can create a future that is aligned with our authentic selves.

Moving into Something New: When we make peace with the empty space and trust in the process of life, we become open to the opportunities that await us. Instead of viewing emptiness as a void, we see it as a blank canvas, ready to be painted with our aspirations, dreams, and new experiences. By giving ourselves permission to be in that space, we create the conditions necessary for personal growth, self-discovery, and the manifestation of our deepest desires.

Emptiness is not something to be feared but rather a doorway to transformation and endless possibilities.

Staying in the sticky pain is a familiar yet limiting choice. By embracing our pain, allowing ourselves to feel it, and subsequently releasing it, we open ourselves up to growth, healing, and the potential for a brighter future. The fear of emptiness may hold us back, but within that void lies the opportunity to shape our lives according to our desires and aspirations.

Instead of clinging to the known, let us bravely step into the unknown and discover the beauty and transformation that await us there.

"Everything is breaking away,

The beliefs I held, now in disarray.

About myself, about life's embrace,

About love's essence, and its graceful pace.

Nothing to cling to, nothing to hold,

Drowning in uncertainty, feeling untold.

Lost in a sea of confusion's tide,

Seeking a new default, fearing what may hide.

The pain of lifetimes, bubbling to the surface,

No longer suppressed, its presence resurfaces.

Unraveling the layers, exposing the core,

Embracing the hurt, seeking to restore.

Let it all crumble, let it all break,

For within this chaos, new paths we'll make.

The shattered illusions, a chance to rebuild,

To find inner truths, once again fulfilled.

Release the grip on the stories we've woven,

In the void of uncertainty, new seeds are sown.

Discovering strength within vulnerability's art,

Reclaiming the fragments, a chance to restart.

So let it break, let it fall apart,

For from the fragments, a new start will embark.

Embrace the pain, let it transform and heal,

In the midst of chaos, authenticity revealed.

Rise above the wreckage, embrace the unknown,

In the breaking away, our true selves are shown.

For from the ruins, we'll rise and create,

A life untethered, where love and truth await."


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